University Times

Social and cultural expectations separate men from women when it comes to placing a value on their work and asking for raises or other benefits, a speaker on campus recently told business school alumnae.

“We need support in negotiating for ourselves,” said Heather Arnet, CEO of the Women and Girls Foundation, in a presentation hosted by the Katz Business Alumni Association’s Alumnae Council.

Women tend to view the prospect of negotiating the way they would a trip to the dentist. Men, on the other hand, see it as a sport or game, Arnet said.

“There is a role negotiation plays in continuing to create the wage gap in workforce salaries,” Arnet said. It is not the largest or only reason underlying the complicated phenomenon, but it plays a part. The wage gap is of particular interest locally: In the Pittsburgh area, women earn 69 cents for every dollar men earn, well below the national average of 77 cents on the dollar.

To combat that gap, the foundation has developed a program in partnership with Carnegie Mellon University economics professor Linda Babcock. The curriculum is based on material that appears in Babcock’s 2009 book, “Ask For It: How Women Can Use the Power of Negotiation to Get What They Really Want,” a sequel to her well-known book, “Women Don’t Ask,” which focused on gender issues related to negotiation. Babcock, an economist, stumbled into her gender-based research as a result of concerns brought to her by graduate students. It seemed that male students appeared to have perks not afforded to females: They held teaching positions rather than assistantships, they attended conferences and seemed to have greater access to office services, Arnet recounted.

Babcock’s closer investigation showed that the students who were teaching a class had asked if there were opportunities to teach. Women tended to expect that there should be “fair” rules to play by, and that someone should tell them about opportunities so they could ask for them, Arnet said. “What Dr. Babcock accidentally exposed was this issue around asking,” she said. Somehow men knew to ask, even before an opportunity was offered.

Although studies have shown that women can be as good as or better than men at negotiating, several studies of males and females ranging from kindergarteners to college students to adults in the workplace found that males were nine times more likely to engage in negotiation, Arnet said. “The most important step in the negotiating process is deciding to negotiate in the first place.”

What is lost if women don’t ask? Money, and potentially lots of it over the course of a career, said Arnet. For instance, at age 22 if a $25,000 salary offer is negotiated to $30,000, by the age of 65 — even without any additional negotiation — the difference amounts to a difference of $784,000. At age 30, negotiating a $100,000 offer to $115,000 yields an extra $1.5 million by age 65. And at age 40, a worker who negotiates a $70,000 offer to $77,000 would earn an extra $381,000 by age 65, Arnet said.

Recognizing opportunities to negotiate comes first, followed by laying the groundwork, preparing —which, depending on the nature of the negotiation, can be quick or can take a long time — then actually engaging in the negotiation, Arnet said.

“If you’re feeling nervous about engaging in a larger negotiation, you’re going to start working out in your ‘negotiation gym’ more and more,” taking opportunities to practice by negotiating on small issues such as chores.

What do you want?

Before negotiating, think about what you want and what could happen during the negotiation, she advised.

High-stakes negotiations, such as for a raise or promotion, require careful consideration. “What is it that you really want?” Is it money, leadership opportunity, time flexibility, office space, vacation time? Those all may factor into the negotiation, she said, advising women not to ask for just one thing when they negotiate. Would a raise alone cover your wants or are there other issues that could be discussed at the same time?

“These are important because you want to be sure at the end of this negotiation that you get what you need to feel valued and thrive,” she said. When negotiating with an employer, “The reality is they might not be able to give you everything on your list, so it’s really important to come up with a really robust list and prioritize that list. And think about how the things that you want overlap with the things that they want.”

Laying the groundwork

Fear and nervousness about negotiation often stem from poor preparation, she said.

The amount of preparation depends on the type of negotiation.

For instance, in negotiating with a car salesperson, there are few complicating relationship factors. “Have you ever met that person before? Will you ever see them again? Do you have to worry about seeing them at lunch tomorrow?”

More complicated are negotiations involving people with whom the relationship will continue. In a workplace negotiation, for instance, considering the needs of the organization and what you can offer should be part of the preparation.

Timing

Considering when to ask is important, Arnet said. What is the company’s financial condition? Is it a good time to ask for time off?

At what time of year should you make your request? What time of day? In whose office should the meeting take place? “You don’t want to ask for a raise and have the other person say, ‘I wish we were having this conversation two months ago when we were doing budgeting,’” she said.

Asking at a time when the other party is most available also is important. She advised making an appointment to give the other party time to prepare for the conversation. Don’t ask for an appointment to talk about a vague “something,” making the other party guess what the issue is, Arnet advised. Neither should you be as blunt as to say “I need a raise. Can we make an appointment to talk about it?”

Instead, couching the request in a low-key yet informative way can help. “I so enjoy working here. I’m really interested in a conversation with you about how I can improve my performance, strengthen our relationship and take my work here to the next level. Could we meet sometime next month to talk about it?”

Considering the other party’s needs is important when negotiating in a relationship that will continue. If you’re asking for a raise, you apparently want to stay with the organization, she noted. “You want to cultivate this relationship.”

Rather than viewing negotiation as a tug of war in which the parties eventually meet in the middle, it’s wiser to gain a good sense of what the other side wants and needs in order to have a successful negotiation and to understand your own wants and needs. “How can you communicate to the other side where those things meet? If you can do that it will end up being a successful outcome for both of you,” she said. “It’s just as much about what we want as what the other person wants.”

Research

Much of women’s timidity about negotiating is that they don’t know what to ask for, Arnet said. Information is out there. For salary negotiations, for instance, look online to find what people in your region with the same job title make, talk to search firms or headhunters, ask colleagues.

Rather than inquiring what co-workers earn, a better way to get information may be to say to a friend or mentor, “‘I’m thinking about engaging in some negotiations. What do you think I should be asking for?’ That’s different from asking what she makes or what she pays her associates.”

Gather information until you feel you have quantitative information to back up your request, Arnet said. That doesn’t mean using it at length in the discussion to document why you’re not being paid what you deserve, but “If you can go in feeling confident that this is reasonable to ask for, it will impact how you behave in that room.”

Rehearse

Find friends or mentors with whom to practice in a supportive environment. “This is especially useful if you’re nervous about the personal dynamics you have with the other person,” she said.

If there’s an issue you fear will be brought up in a negotiation, play it out. “Have the other person say what you’re really afraid to hear because it’s so much better to hear your friend say it and prepare how you respond,” she said.

If your emotional response is a concern, come up with an escape plan ahead of time. “If you’re worried that if this goes badly that at some point you might cry, come up with what your plan will be, how you will get out of that room before you cry.”

Some people fear they will get angry. “Figure out what you will do to get yourself out of the room before you go to the place you don’t really want to go.”

It could be as simple as excusing yourself to the restroom, or could take the form of ending the conversation and asking to pick it up again at another time.

Engage in discourse

In addition to setting up your plan around what you want to ask, ensure you’re engaging in discourse and asking questions, she said. “Before you ask for anything, ask a number of questions to help you get more information in that room about what that person wants and needs.”

Style

Babcock’s research on subjects’ responses to watching videotapes of people negotiating revealed a gender factor, Arnet said.

Male and female actors used the same scripts when playing the role of an intern seeking a full-time position. After viewing the videotapes, subjects rated how they felt the person negotiated and whether that person should get the raise.

One of the scripts was straightforward, Arnet said. The male actor in that case was viewed as smart and competent, worthy of the raise. The female was judged less positively.

In another “sugar-coated” script filled with flattery for the boss and passive language, the woman did better, while the male did “okay,” Arnet said.

A third script — not passive, yet not as straightforward — yielded positive responses for both the male and female in the video. In that version the candidates couched their negotiation in the corporation’s terms, asking for the things they wanted in a way that highlighted how the job they wanted would be good for the company, rather than talking only about how it would be good personally for them. “They talked about what they learned at the corporation and how they feel that learning could really benefit the corporation if they were able to stay on,” she said.

When researchers tested that version of the script, “Everybody did great,” she said, encouraging women to consider using such a style. “It’s not saying that women don’t have the right to just go in and say ‘I want X,’ but we also don’t feel like we have to go in namby-pamby either,” she said.

Aim high

“No” just means there’s another negotiation, Arnet said. “If you never hear the word no, you’re never asking for enough.

“Hearing ‘no’ doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong; it doesn’t really mean the negotiation has gone badly.

“If you went in and got everything you asked for, we can nearly guarantee you left something on the table that you didn’t think to ask for.”

—Kimberly K. Barlow