University Times

In  last  month’s  stress  management  workshop, Emily Levenson, account manager for Life Solutions, was asked what to do about stress in co-workers.

One workshop participant said stressed co-workers sometimes become angry for no apparent work-related reason. “I have to watch myself because if I say something to them right there, it just sets them off, and they lash out, making everybody else uncomfortable,” she said.

She later learned that her co-worker was having problems at home, but was unconsciously and unjustly taking it out on others in the office.

Levenson said, “When you’re having problems at work, who do you most likely take it out on? Your family, right? And if you’re having problems at home, who do you take it out on? Your co-workers. Most of the time it comes out in the opposite realm. It’s irritability that’s misplaced, and it’s not intentional, but it’s how emotional stress manifests itself.”

People often notice emotional stress more in other people than in themselves, Levenson noted. “Most people notice the physical symptoms of stress in themselves: You know when you have a headache or your stomach is upset, your muscles are tight. But you don’t realize as well the emotional side, how you’re relating to other people,” she said.

“The key for the co-workers is to deep breathe, or use one of the other [stress management] techniques to relieve their own stress. You can’t control somebody else. You can control yourself, and you can control your reaction to their behavior, but you can’t change their behavior.

“You can, if you’re really concerned, bring it up to the employee: ‘What’s going on? You seem like you’re more stressed out than usual.’ That approach takes it away from ‘You’re being a horrible person,’ to ‘I’m concerned for you.’”

Or you can talk to the employee’s supervisor, she said. “You can say, ‘I don’t want to get the person in trouble, but they’re really having a hard time. I don’t know what’s going on and I’m concerned,’” Levenson said.

Another approach is to recommend the services of Life Solutions, which is a confidential, free program to help Pitt employees and their household members with a whole range of personal and professional issues, including family and relationship concerns, career challenges, healthy lifestyle planning and anxiety, depression and alcohol/drug counseling, Levenson said.

Life Solutions also provides referrals to community resources and work/life services such as child care and adoption; elder care; legal advice; financial counseling, and other resources. (Information on Life Solutions is available at www.hr.pitt.edu/benefits/lifesolutions.htm.)

“If somebody really is struggling, there’s nothing wrong with saying, ‘Have you heard about Life Solutions? I think they can help you, I really think you should call them,’” Levenson said.

“This is a way of pushing it back to them: ‘Here’s what’s available. I don’t need to be the person you talk to, but please do something.’ It takes the onus off yourself about trying to fix it,” she said.

“But at the end of the day you can’t control their behavior, only your reaction to it. Sometimes we forget that — we’re so conscious of trying to change people or make them feel better.”

—Peter Hart